In the moment

So, it’s month 2 and I just knew that I was going to know the purpose for my life after I took the step of faith and quit in January. I suppose my timing and God’s are not quite the same ☺. I was remembering my trip to Nicaragua several years ago. Probably the biggest impact was learning that there were still families living in the garbage dump despite the opportunity they had to move out. You see Amigos for Christ had come to them and offered to help them start a new community, and several families decided that this would be best, but some families made the choice to stay where they were. The unknown perhaps was scarier than staying put, even in a garbage dump. At least they knew there would be regular dumps of trash that they could forage through. They knew they could take scraps and sell them to be recycled. They could also find scraps to put together some shelter. Trusting in people they did not know and an idea of a future that they did not understand was a little too much to ask.

Yesterday I missed Sunday school, but my husband told me it was about the Israelites and their attitudes after God freed them from Egypt. They had been living in a very fertile area of land, with regular meals for years. I think even hundreds of years (I forget the details). When they left they faced nothing but desert. We get the hindsight of seeing how miraculously God provided manna for them. How their unbelief extended their desert stay. But they were in the moment. They did not know what the future held. They had to trust daily.

My circumstances are not as drastic as either of these. I just have to forgo some extras and be very conscientious of how we spend our money. I have to trust that God will provide, which he has been doing. I have this looming trip to Israel in April as a reminder of that provision. That’s some mighty big manna. Yet I am still in the moment. I don’t know what the future holds (not that I knew before- it just seemed more secure with a paycheck). I don’t have the benefit of seeing the end of my story; none of us do as we are in the moment. But, God has given me these examples, among so many others, that scream, “I AM trustworthy. I AM good, I AM your maker, I AM your redeemer”. If I can focus on that instead of the uncertainty I can relax even in the desert, even in the unknown.

Thank you Lord that you hold me in your hand. Thank you for the stories from your word that remind me of the imperfections of your people (and me), but always the perfection of your continuous love. Thank you that it’s not about what I do, but trusting in what you have done and what you continue to do.