The Plan?

Rusty. That is how I would describe my interviewing skills. I haven’t had to interview for a job in over a decade. As a fitness instructor I had to initially teach part of a class to show that I could teach and then I was given a spot on the schedule. My coordinator recommended me for her position when she resigned, and while I did have a time to sit down with the owner, it was more to discuss money than my abilities. He already knew me. When I took the job for a second time, again I was recommended, so the interview was more of a formality.

But, I made it through last week’s interview fairly easily. My prayer was fairly simple: Lord, if this is what you have for me please let it happen. If it is not, please block the gate. I learned a few years back that shepherds watching sheep would herd them into an enclosure and then literally lay down in front of the opening so the sheep could not get out. In a sense that is what I was hoping. That if this job was in any way detrimental to my continued walk with God, I want Him, as my shepherd, to block that path.

The interview went well and now I am in the wait and see part. As crazy as it sounds I liked the interview part better than the wait and see part. I already have difficulty staying somewhat present minded, then to have this uncertainty (again) looming in my horizon, makes it very difficult for me to not dwell. So when I find myself dwelling (again), I have to remind myself (again), don’t dwell, trust.

I have also had quite a few people ask, so is this what you had in mind when you resigned in December? And the honest answer is no. I didn’t really have a plan, I was attempting to be open to what I felt God had impressed upon my heart. Which then leads to – is this where God is leading me? And the honest answer is I don’t know. There are aspects of this job that are very appealing. When I do dwell on it, I get excited about the opportunities. I would consider it a ministry of sorts, because my primary responsibility would be to encourage, develop, and love on other people. (In this case, senior citizens, which I have a soft spot for.) My husband is very encouraging and supportive, as we have talked about the transition for our family, as I would be working more hours than previously. But I do have peace about whatever the outcome is at this point. My ego will probably flare up and disagree if I don’t get the job, but I can deal with that if/when that happens.

But I find it interesting that this past year, over and over again, as I have wanted to feel God’s direction or make sure I was in His will, as I have desired to know what He has in store for me; over and over again, I am reminded to love Him. To draw close to Him and try to learn more and know more about His love for me. It’s almost as if I have gotten to the point where it’s not so important what I am doing, because it’s more about who I am becoming. I am becoming a child of God. In some ways I was already there (He did the work to make that possible). But in some ways I am still discovering what that means. I hope I will always be moving closer to what that means.

Lord, help me keep you in the center of whatever job, activities, work, fun, skills, abilities, relationships, learning, and ministries you put in front of me. Thank you for loving me for who I am, for making me your child. Continue to guide me and to help me trust more and more in You.