The Irony of Our Arrogance

The Irony of our Arrogance

Recently in sermons I heard and in a book I read, the point was made that the world considers Christianity arrogant for claiming to be “the way”. But that’s not really accurate because Christianity is not ‘the way’; Jesus Christ is the way.

But I find the idea ironic-

As Christians we are to humble ourselves and admit: I cannot do this through myself or by myself.

In our faith we serve a God that humbled Himself to be born flesh and blood as a little baby. He further humbled Himself to die on a cross.

Our beliefs state that we must humble ourselves and ‘die to self’; we are taught that we must love and serve others.

Our beliefs force us to realize we are not God. We are not worthy of God, yet He still loves us.

Our beliefs let us know that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light, and that we are spiritually blind without Him.

As Christians we are instructed to “put away selfish ambition and vain conceit” and instead to “think more highly of one another than yourselves” (Phil 2:3)

That seems like a whole lot of humility to juxtapose the arrogance of Christ’s claim. But again we must return to my first point. Christians claim that Christ is the way. If we as Christians claim to be the way, we have become arrogant. If our church claims to be the way, we have become arrogant. Christ deserves to be arrogant and is worthy to make the claim based on the life he led and the death he rose again from. Christ is worthy because He is God. Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.

Lord, help the rest of us be humble before You.

Rejection sucks

Rejection sucks. It hurts. I just went through an interview process for a job that I was very excited about. I made it to the top three candidates, but… I guess since I started with ‘rejection sucks’ you know what happened. The operations manager tried to soften the blow by saying it was the hardest choice he has made in 20 years of hiring people. But it still stinks.

The funny thing is that whenever people asked me about the job or asked me if I wanted it, I continually said, “I want it if it is where God wants me”. And I asked others to pray that I would get it if and only if that is where God wanted me. Along the way, I thought of all the ways I could serve and minister in this position. I thought of the relief I would be able to give my husband as he takes on such financial burdens for our family. I confess I began to go through the list of things that we have been putting off- new water heater, getting carpet cleaned, a desk for the computer, buying a patio set (spent some time on Craigslist). I thought of how sweet it was that after only a couple of months of following what I felt was God leading me to resign, that He would provide me with a new direction. At some point I really was somewhat confident he would pick me.

And then he didn’t.

Yesterday I ranted about how hard it was waiting, how hard it was, not knowing. And yes, waiting is anxiety producing, and frustrating. But rejection is tear producing (at least for me). I didn’t realize how much I had attached myself to this possibility until it was not a possibility.

My husband was a sweetheart and took me to dinner and made me laugh. My friends sent encouraging e-mails. I myself had said yesterday I would be fine either way, and I will be. Probably even by this afternoon, I’ll have come to a better place. And my prayer is still that I’ll be where God wants me, and so for now that must be right where I am: Available for His plan in His timing.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jer 29:11. This journey of faith is not an easy one. I haven’t found any blinking signs with arrows pointing out my direction (lucky Bruce and Evan), but I do find His words whispering to me, reminding me of His great love, reminding me that He created me and sustains me.

Lord, thank you that my life is in your hands. I continually try to figure out my own way, but I really want Your way. Thank you for the cleansing of tears, for Your words of hope and love, the amazing way Your words of scripture are alive. Please continue to guide me and help me love you more.

Tomorrow

As I sit and wait for some news tomorrow, I am reminded once again of how often we place our happiness on what will happen tomorrow. Even though I have a perfectly beautiful, gorgeous sunny day today. I find my mind continually drawn to the fact that tomorrow I will find out whether or not I have a job.

Wait and weight. I never really thought about it but there is a great deal of weight in waiting. I actually got distracted from writing last night, so here I am the next morning, still waiting. Even though I am confident that God has me in his hand, and I have prayed that this only work out if it is in His plan, I still have an anxious heart. I still am insecure about what will happen. My mind has already starting planning contingency plans for either result.

My husband and daughter have both texted, asking “have you heard yet?” The waiting is horrible. I feel the weight on my heart, and in my tensing neck muscles. The frustrating part is that I can’t do anything about it. I know I should get a call today, but I don’t know what time. I can’t control if it is a yes or no. I can’t control when or why or how. So I wait.

Isaiah says- “Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength”. Paul says- “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in.” Joy says- “Enough already”. Good thing there are better suggestions than my own. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” from Jer 29:11. Phil. 4 reminds me also to “dwell on those things that are good”.

So I will choose to put on some music and get busy doing the normal stuff that needs to be done around the house and when I find myself drawn once again to this weight of wait, I’ll try to let it go, and pray it away.

Keith green sings, “Well I wanna thank you now, for being patient with me, Lord it’s so hard to see when my eyes are on me”.

Lord, turn my focus to what is needed now, rather than so much on what is to come. Thank you for this day, for this time, for your word and promises. Thanks for being patient with me.

Image Bearers

Grady’s mother was in the hospital not long after we married. Technically she was his grandmother, but he called her mom since she had raised him from a fairly early age. She was an extremely loving and kind lady. In my time in the family I never heard her say an unkind word about anyone. She was sweet (that’s not a great adjective for people but it really does describe her). But during this stay in the hospital she had one nurse that was particularly harsh with her. I remember her saying; “I just can’t love her with the love of Christ”. This became a family saying for Grady and I when we would encounter someone particular offensive.

I like people and I get along with most that I meet. Of course there are exceptions. And there are those that I like more easily than others. My mind lately has been trying to wrap itself around the first and greatest commandment, “to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul, and to love your neighbor as yourself.” At first I looked at this and thought, okay. But then I thought about what that would really look like.

Loving God with everything is everything. That would include loving him with my computer I am typing on, with my fingers that are typing, with my eyes that watch my fingers (because I never learned to look away in high school typing class), with my brain that is telling me what to type, with my room and house where I sit comfortably as I type, with my time that I use now but then also continuing through the day. Loving him completely means He has access and control over my checkbook, my time, and my choices. Loving Him with all my heart, soul and mind, doesn’t really leave anything out.

Loving my neighbor as myself is in some ways even more daunting, because they are not perfect. I don’t necessarily owe them a debt of gratitude for my life, for my salvation, and some of them just aren’t even that nice. They don’t think like me, they may or may not love God themselves. But it didn’t say, love the neighbors that love God; or love the neighbors that are neighborly, or love the neighbors that are lovely. I wonder why it can be so hard to love what God loves? I am sure He loves my neighbor. My neighbor deserves His love as much as me-, which is not saying much. So how do I love them?

Image Bearers. I love that term. We are the image bearers of God. He has chosen to make us in His likeness. As such, I can look for what part of His image is within my neighbor. Sometimes I may have to look deep but the more I know and love Christ the more I should be able to recognize and find those distinguishing marks, which are on every man and woman. Young, old, every race and color, male or female has been given that title. Humans have the distinction to be God’s image bearers.

I think Grady’s mom was on to something. Maybe we, in trying to love God, learn to see Christ’s love for us. After all we love because He first loved us. Maybe then in turn we can be freer to love ‘with the love of Christ’. Maybe we can begin to see God’s image in those around us. I’m not sure, and there will still be times it is difficult to love, but being that it is called the ‘greatest commandment’ it’s probably worth some effort and prayer on my part.

Lord, help me to love you with everything. Help me then, as I rest in your love to be able to share that love with others. Help me see your image in those around me. Thank you that you allow us to be your image bearers.

Working with Open Palms

I have been doing a Beth Moore study and last week she mentioned that ‘work is a good virtue unless it takes first place from God.’ As I am currently in limbo waiting to hear if I got a job that I interviewed for, that really is a primary concern. I have always worked part time while raising my children. The hours have always been mostly flexible, so while on the one hand I am excited about starting a new chapter of life (now that my kids are a little older), on the other hand I wonder how will I do it all? I have told almost everyone that has asked me about the job, that my only concern is that it is fulltime and I would really prefer 30 hours a week to 40. I know great moms that work full time, but I have often said there must be a secret society where they share the low down on how they actually get everything done. I am positive that I am not up for ‘superwoman’ status.

Alicia Keys sings “Even when I’m a mess, I still put on the vest with a ‘S’ on my chest, oh yes, ‘cause I’m a superwoman”. I think there are a lot of us that do try to put on that ‘S’ even though we are a mess. So what do we do? How do we continue to contribute, get everything done and still keep God front and center?

This week in the video Beth Moore alluded to the fact that we must put our open palm toward God. That many of us will say ‘Take it Lord” while still holding on with that pinky finger. How awkward is that? Try to hold on to something with just your pinky finger and the rest of your hand open. It hurts.

Work is so central to our lives. We were given dominion back in the garden and it is only natural that we use our abilities and skills to tame and settle our lives and the world around us. Work is a good gift that is to give us a purpose and focus, BUT it does tend to vie for primary purpose and focus, which is not its role. I would say even those in ministry must fight against the instinct to make their ministry the focus instead of God their focus. Let’s face it, we make our connections at work, we get pats on the back at work, we get empathy and sympathy at times from work (as we moan about working), we get a paycheck from work, we get stability in our day-to-day schedule from work. When I resigned to stay home with babies, I missed all that. I was blessed that my husband coerced me into staying home, but I did miss it.

Lately I have been drawn to Matthew 22. Actually that would not be true. I have not been drawn to it; it has continually stalked me, showing up in studies, in lessons, in thoughts.
36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
I have been trying to figure out how to do that. I have heard that you can tell what a person loves by how they spend their money and their time. I introduce a whole other concept here that we could spend countless hours looking at. How do I spend my money and time? Does it reflect a love for my maker and ‘neighbors’? But I think another important question is how do we develop that love for God and others?

It has been my experience that those I love most dearly I spend the most time with. And even in developing that love, time was required to deepen that love. Clearly I know we can’t all go to a monastery and spend hours and hours communing with God (technically I guess we could- but most of us won’t). Even if we could, I’m not saying that is necessary. Luckily we can talk to God anytime. However, I do think it necessary to set aside time specifically for Him. How can I learn to love Him if I don’t know him? How can I continue to love Him if I don’t communicate with Him?

I feel as though I am talking in circles today. But that’s okay too, because I just have to choose to hold my open palm out with no pinky finger involvement and say, “here it is, take it- take my job, take my time, take my money, take me, take my love, choose me and love me”.

I know it will be an ongoing struggle. Even now as I have a little more free time, I don’t always choose what is best. I don’t always spend the time I should learning about and loving my God, but regardless of my circumstances working for someone else, or working for my family, He is there.

Thank you Lord that you have always been and always will be reaching out to us. Even holding out my hand as high as I can, it still requires that you reach down to meet me. Thank you that you do reach down, and once again I say, here take it- take my work, my time, my money, my life, my love, choose me, love me, draw me close.

More love?

Lately I have been impressed with the need to note that there is a definite and distinct difference between Christ and Christians (beyond the 4 additional letters). I profess to be a Christian. I attempt to make this my worldview. I desire to follow Christ, to know Him as intimately as possible, to learn from His word the Bible, to implement His teachings, BUT I am not Christ; nor are any of the other Christians I know Christ. It gets even more frustrating when the word ‘church’ is thrown in. Once again I am a member of a church and consider it to be a benefit to my life overall, but I recognize that the current church again is not Christ. Christ is God. Christ is perfection. Christians and the church are not perfect, and should not claim to be perfect, our claim can only be, to be forgiven and loved.

As I am getting a little older I recognize more and more my need for humility (even as I figure out that I am getting smarter- ha). While I may sing the song, “Jesus is the Answer”, I can’t claim to have all the answers myself. Even though I do know Jesus as my savior, and believe that His word undoubtedly intersects and advises my own life questions and beliefs, it is up to each individual to find that. I am not saying it is individually everyone’s choice as to whether or not this is true. I believe it is true regardless of what you choose, BUT it is individually everyone’s choice whether or not they pursue this relationship. It is up to the individual to really give it an honest inquiry, to set aside stereotypes or any bias toward ‘religion’ and look at what Jesus did, said, and the historical context and proofs of His deity.

It saddens me to observe the general hostility toward Christians from some segments of our culture. But, I wonder if we haven’t in some ways brought it on ourselves. As a person I dislike conflict. I avoid arguments when possible. I choose harmony over discord. So I really dislike politics. All the arguing between people who are so positive they have the correct answer. The more emphatic they are, the more they annoy me.

There are certain viewpoints that I have inherited from my southern, conservative upbringing, but just as my viewpoints are biased on trying to look at what is best overall for society, so are the northern, liberal’s concepts based on that same idea. Our methods of how to get there are obviously different, but both of us want what is overall best for the country, for families, and for individuals. Based on that understanding, you would think the discussions could be a little more civil.

Likewise I think I know a thing or two about Jesus. I know the more I know about Him, the more astonished I am. The implications of believing in him are more radical than attending church on Sundays. He calls us to love God and love others above all else. If we as Christians were truly doing that, I wonder if the perception of us would change? I wonder if our dialogues about our societal problems would change? There have been horrible instances in which the church has historically made the wrong call (defending slavery for one), there are instances in which we have not lived up to the name ‘Christian’ both individually and collectively (and there will continue to be those instances). Maybe we start with an apology and a renewed commitment to love. And maybe we point out to everyone that while we are not perfect, Christ is.

Lord, I lift up our multicultural world that we live in. Help me to be more understanding, and more loving toward all those you bring into my path. Forgive my decisions and judgments that are made without considering your love first. Increase my desire to love while you increase my capacity for grace and peace. Help me be less concerned with what I know, and more concerned with how I love.

The Plan?

Rusty. That is how I would describe my interviewing skills. I haven’t had to interview for a job in over a decade. As a fitness instructor I had to initially teach part of a class to show that I could teach and then I was given a spot on the schedule. My coordinator recommended me for her position when she resigned, and while I did have a time to sit down with the owner, it was more to discuss money than my abilities. He already knew me. When I took the job for a second time, again I was recommended, so the interview was more of a formality.

But, I made it through last week’s interview fairly easily. My prayer was fairly simple: Lord, if this is what you have for me please let it happen. If it is not, please block the gate. I learned a few years back that shepherds watching sheep would herd them into an enclosure and then literally lay down in front of the opening so the sheep could not get out. In a sense that is what I was hoping. That if this job was in any way detrimental to my continued walk with God, I want Him, as my shepherd, to block that path.

The interview went well and now I am in the wait and see part. As crazy as it sounds I liked the interview part better than the wait and see part. I already have difficulty staying somewhat present minded, then to have this uncertainty (again) looming in my horizon, makes it very difficult for me to not dwell. So when I find myself dwelling (again), I have to remind myself (again), don’t dwell, trust.

I have also had quite a few people ask, so is this what you had in mind when you resigned in December? And the honest answer is no. I didn’t really have a plan, I was attempting to be open to what I felt God had impressed upon my heart. Which then leads to – is this where God is leading me? And the honest answer is I don’t know. There are aspects of this job that are very appealing. When I do dwell on it, I get excited about the opportunities. I would consider it a ministry of sorts, because my primary responsibility would be to encourage, develop, and love on other people. (In this case, senior citizens, which I have a soft spot for.) My husband is very encouraging and supportive, as we have talked about the transition for our family, as I would be working more hours than previously. But I do have peace about whatever the outcome is at this point. My ego will probably flare up and disagree if I don’t get the job, but I can deal with that if/when that happens.

But I find it interesting that this past year, over and over again, as I have wanted to feel God’s direction or make sure I was in His will, as I have desired to know what He has in store for me; over and over again, I am reminded to love Him. To draw close to Him and try to learn more and know more about His love for me. It’s almost as if I have gotten to the point where it’s not so important what I am doing, because it’s more about who I am becoming. I am becoming a child of God. In some ways I was already there (He did the work to make that possible). But in some ways I am still discovering what that means. I hope I will always be moving closer to what that means.

Lord, help me keep you in the center of whatever job, activities, work, fun, skills, abilities, relationships, learning, and ministries you put in front of me. Thank you for loving me for who I am, for making me your child. Continue to guide me and to help me trust more and more in You.

Snow Day

I am sitting here watching the snow come down. That’s not a big deal in many places of the world. But in Georgia, it is rare enough that we shut down when we see the white stuff. It is absolutely beautiful. Many of my senior citizens that have retired and moved down here from up north don’t appreciate our reaction. They think it silly that everyone runs to the grocery store and that schools shut down. But as a Georgia native, having seen many winters without any snow, when we do have it, it seems like a holiday. It seems like it is a day set apart for playing outside, for digging through closets to find gloves, scarves, and hats. It’s a day for more layers than normal. A day for watching movies and drinking hot chocolate while you try to defrost: A day for building fires, a day for hanging out with family, friends, and neighbors. Snow day is a mandatory slow day. No rushing here and there. Don’t drive unless it is necessary. Just sit back and watch the white cover the ground and make everything sparkly for a while,

Recently my daughters have been learning about weather at school: Cumulus clouds, Nimbus clouds, Cirrus clouds, wind patterns, arctic, polar, continental, and tropical winds, the water cycle, all the various parts that work together to form the climate in which you live. I think they could probably give me a reasonable answer as to why it is snowing. But as I look out my window, I don’t really think about that. I think- wow that is sooo pretty. And I think about the fact that each of those little snowflakes is unique. I wonder how they explain that? For my tiny little brain, I think it’s God showing a little of His glory again, giving us a glimpse of his amazing creativity.

Thank you Lord for seasons, for this day when everything sparkles, especially after such a cold, rainy winter so far. Thank you that you can make every single snowflake special in its uniqueness, even though it seems like a minor, almost insignificant detail. Thank You for ending a busy week with a little of Your glory. Help us slow down and enjoy.

Rearranging

This past month we have done way more rearranging of furniture than one should. In the process of adding a bedroom we have rearranged an office, and 2 other bedrooms. Basically almost all of our upstairs furniture has been moved. I have noticed that as we move the furniture around it is very handy to have a vacuum cleaner nearby. It seems that lurking under every piece is a multiplying dust bunny farm. I’m not sure where they come from. I probably don’t want to know, but they are definitely there. So in this rearranging process, there has been a considerable amount of cleaning up.

Likewise, although with more regularity, it seems my life gets rearranged. I will have everything set in the place I would like and then a crisis of sorts will cause a different order to emerge. This is sometimes my crisis, sometimes someone else’s, but the result is the same. Everything gets rearranged. I like checking off my to do lists. I like having my plan for the day set. So when it has to be rearranged I notice some dirt lurking. It shows up as irritability, grouchiness, sometimes even as outright anger. It seems that it is almost always there in some form and it is a little harder to vacuum up than dust bunnies.

The grossest thing we found (and I probably should not even share this) was under our dresser. This is a really heavy-duty dresser. It weighs a ton, even when empty, so it had not been moved since we moved in ten years ago. I do vaguely remember setting out mousetraps many years ago… It was a complete mouse skeleton, still attached to the trap. I have no idea how long it had been there- gross. I’m not sure why we didn’t notice a stench at the time it was decomposing- gross. But there it lay, undiscovered, until we rearranged.

I would probably choose if it were in my power, to not rearrange my plans. But maybe there is an opportunity inherent with those changes. Maybe in discovering the dirt that lies underneath, I can address my own shortcomings. I can notice my impatience or inflexibility and realize that some cleaning maintenance may be order. It can point out my need to ask for forgiveness and renewal. It can provide opportunity for me to show a bit of the mercy and grace that has been shown to me. Maybe these inconveniences serve a greater purpose to work on these dust bunnies before they turn into skeletons.

Lord, help us be aware of what you want to show us daily. Help me as I try to relinquish the continuous desire for self and control. Clean out those corners and hidden spots that I overlook. Thank you for not asking for perfection from me. Thank you for your perfection that I can rest in.

Love that surpasses knowledge

Ephesians 3:14-21
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derive its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at word within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

“This love that surpasses knowledge”: How good it is to know you are loved. How beautiful when you get that glimpse and really feel it in your mind, heart and soul. How much you know seems to fade away in the realization of how much you are loved. I love this prayer. It is His power through His spirit that allows my faith. It is powerful for us to try and grasp the amazing heights, depths, and widths of Christ’s love. That awareness does give a sense of fullness, of satisfaction.

Thank you Lord that you can do immeasurably more than I can imagine. Be glorified today. Amen

Laundry

About 2 years ago, a young woman named Christy told me, “I think you could write about laundry and it would be good.” I think this was the equivalent of the American idol’s expression- “You could sing the phone book”. So I took it as high praise and have wondered for 2 years what would I write about laundry…

I do a lot of laundry. I sometimes feel I do more than most; but I probably don’t. But this morning as I was washing the second load, I noticed that my dryer was still running after an hour. I opened the door and it stopped, but my clothes weren’t dry. Being the optimist that I am, I started it again and went to do one of my other jobs for the day: toilets. Maybe I’ll write about them another day. After sufficient time had come I went to check and again my dryer seemed to be stuck on ‘cool down’. It was no longer turning itself off. And the clothes while almost dry, were still damp so, what’s a girl to do? Try, try again. I started the dryer for the 3rd time and this time went to straighten my bedroom and rehang the curtain that had been taken down during the repainting. So finally when I went down again, while the dryer was still running, the clothes were okay to take out.

When I put in the next load I decide to check out what happened about 10 minutes in. Normally the dryer puts off some heat. Not a lot, but enough that I can tell it’s working. Today- no heat, it was turning inside but the outside stayed cold. Actually it’s been in somewhat of a steady decline for several months. I am used to having to run my clothes a couple of times, so it did not alarm me when I had to restart the first time. It was the 3rd time that got my attention. So I ask you- what do you do with a dryer without heat? I don’t recall ever using the fluff option on my dryer (the option with no heat). I always wonder what people would use that option for. Obviously some people do or it would not be on there. But me, I want a quick dry. I’m not that particular about the effects on my clothes. I’m a wash and wear kind of girl. So without heat I think my dryer is basically useless. It can continue to run on and on, but it is not really going to accomplish what I need it to accomplish in the time frame I have for it to accomplish it.

So what’s this got to do with life? Other than planned obsolescence, my story of fixing a dryer when we were first married, and the normal frustrations of life… I think I sometimes get stuck on cool down. I keep going and going. I somehow don’t recognize the off button. So while I’m going and going, I may not be hurting anything, but it’s also a waste because I’m not really accomplishing anything either.

If I don’t have the ‘heat’ (maybe passion, strong desire, excitement) is what I’m doing really making a difference? Am I making any changes or just flipping around in the same circle over and over? Having heat can make the difference between finishing or just moving. Heat can make the difference in our energy, time and commitment.

In this situation I was actually pretty lucky that the heat was missing since the machine didn’t stop. The continued heat without stop could have resulted in fire or damage. I think people in particular need the off button. We need down time to rest, to refocus, and to evaluate what needs to be done. We need to reconnect with our maker to find that source of heat. Do you notice when you’ve had some time to think through, pray and get direction, you feel a certain excitement or passion in your follow through? And how much difference does that passion make? Yet at the same time if the heat is misdirected it can be dangerous. We’ve all seen people ‘burn out’.

So perhaps that dryer cycle is indicative of what our own lives might reflect. We need some off time to rest, to refocus, and to seek our source of energy and heat. We need to be hot while we are pursuing those things that matter, so that we accomplish what needs to be done. And a little cool down time is great for recreation, for connecting with each other, and for enjoying what has been accomplished.

God- Help me to use my time wisely. To be passionate and energetic where you desire me to be, to be trusting as I rest in you, and to be appreciative of the blessings of both.

In the moment

So, it’s month 2 and I just knew that I was going to know the purpose for my life after I took the step of faith and quit in January. I suppose my timing and God’s are not quite the same ☺. I was remembering my trip to Nicaragua several years ago. Probably the biggest impact was learning that there were still families living in the garbage dump despite the opportunity they had to move out. You see Amigos for Christ had come to them and offered to help them start a new community, and several families decided that this would be best, but some families made the choice to stay where they were. The unknown perhaps was scarier than staying put, even in a garbage dump. At least they knew there would be regular dumps of trash that they could forage through. They knew they could take scraps and sell them to be recycled. They could also find scraps to put together some shelter. Trusting in people they did not know and an idea of a future that they did not understand was a little too much to ask.

Yesterday I missed Sunday school, but my husband told me it was about the Israelites and their attitudes after God freed them from Egypt. They had been living in a very fertile area of land, with regular meals for years. I think even hundreds of years (I forget the details). When they left they faced nothing but desert. We get the hindsight of seeing how miraculously God provided manna for them. How their unbelief extended their desert stay. But they were in the moment. They did not know what the future held. They had to trust daily.

My circumstances are not as drastic as either of these. I just have to forgo some extras and be very conscientious of how we spend our money. I have to trust that God will provide, which he has been doing. I have this looming trip to Israel in April as a reminder of that provision. That’s some mighty big manna. Yet I am still in the moment. I don’t know what the future holds (not that I knew before- it just seemed more secure with a paycheck). I don’t have the benefit of seeing the end of my story; none of us do as we are in the moment. But, God has given me these examples, among so many others, that scream, “I AM trustworthy. I AM good, I AM your maker, I AM your redeemer”. If I can focus on that instead of the uncertainty I can relax even in the desert, even in the unknown.

Thank you Lord that you hold me in your hand. Thank you for the stories from your word that remind me of the imperfections of your people (and me), but always the perfection of your continuous love. Thank you that it’s not about what I do, but trusting in what you have done and what you continue to do.