Rejection sucks

Rejection sucks. It hurts. I just went through an interview process for a job that I was very excited about. I made it to the top three candidates, but… I guess since I started with ‘rejection sucks’ you know what happened. The operations manager tried to soften the blow by saying it was the hardest choice he has made in 20 years of hiring people. But it still stinks.

The funny thing is that whenever people asked me about the job or asked me if I wanted it, I continually said, “I want it if it is where God wants me”. And I asked others to pray that I would get it if and only if that is where God wanted me. Along the way, I thought of all the ways I could serve and minister in this position. I thought of the relief I would be able to give my husband as he takes on such financial burdens for our family. I confess I began to go through the list of things that we have been putting off- new water heater, getting carpet cleaned, a desk for the computer, buying a patio set (spent some time on Craigslist). I thought of how sweet it was that after only a couple of months of following what I felt was God leading me to resign, that He would provide me with a new direction. At some point I really was somewhat confident he would pick me.

And then he didn’t.

Yesterday I ranted about how hard it was waiting, how hard it was, not knowing. And yes, waiting is anxiety producing, and frustrating. But rejection is tear producing (at least for me). I didn’t realize how much I had attached myself to this possibility until it was not a possibility.

My husband was a sweetheart and took me to dinner and made me laugh. My friends sent encouraging e-mails. I myself had said yesterday I would be fine either way, and I will be. Probably even by this afternoon, I’ll have come to a better place. And my prayer is still that I’ll be where God wants me, and so for now that must be right where I am: Available for His plan in His timing.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jer 29:11. This journey of faith is not an easy one. I haven’t found any blinking signs with arrows pointing out my direction (lucky Bruce and Evan), but I do find His words whispering to me, reminding me of His great love, reminding me that He created me and sustains me.

Lord, thank you that my life is in your hands. I continually try to figure out my own way, but I really want Your way. Thank you for the cleansing of tears, for Your words of hope and love, the amazing way Your words of scripture are alive. Please continue to guide me and help me love you more.