Free time?

I’ve had a lot of people ask me, “So what are you doing with all your free time?”

This month I have: cleaned out my master bedroom closet, the upstairs hall closet, my youngest daughters closet, rearranged my bedroom completely, cleaned out our office space (toting away 5 garbage bags of what I once thought vital papers), helped my Dad put up framing and sheetrock to form a wall and closet to turn office space into a bedroom for my oldest daughter, painted my middle daughter’s bedroom, primed my older daughter’s new room, have had to wash every sheet, blanket, and pillow in the house at least twice due to a lice scare, had to spend 30 minutes checking each daughters head every night for a week straight, continued with the normal everyday stuff of cooking, vacuuming, and cleaning. I also have tried to write a little something at least a couple of times a week. I volunteered to make 30 bracelets for my bible study group. And I continued my senior citizens class and a class at the dance studio.

I did quit my job the end of December to really spend time in prayer and seek God’s direction. Hmmm. I have spent some time in prayer but I think I’ve spent more time working. Why do I have such a hard time in finding the value of doing nothing? I definitely believe there are times for hard work and a time to push forward, but I think there is also a time to slow down, to reflect, to pause and pray. I suppose I am too influenced by what others will think. When they ask what I have been doing with my time, I want to give them a ‘legitimate’ answer. I’m not sure why praying or meditating would not be ‘legitimate’. Maybe I’m afraid they’ll think I’m all holy and stuff. Maybe they’ll think I’m lazy. Maybe they’ll think I’m crazy. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about what they think.

It’s funny being the mother of middle school girls. You see their need for acceptance, their need for approval from their peers. It’s so obvious and we as adults want to scream, “You are okay. You don’t need them to like you. Stand up for what you believe. Do what is right. Be yourself!” Hmmm. I guess I still have a little middle schooler in me.

So today, this morning, I choose to ignore the primed room that is screaming for paint and spend that time in prayer. I will still go eat lunch with my youngest, because I promised. But I will try to avoid being overly busy, at least for today.

God, help me to slow down and spend a little time with you today. Thanks for the energy this month to get all these things done, but help me not to be so concerned with my list of things to do that I forget my real purpose. I know by slowing down I recognize Your amazing capacity to take care of me. Help me trust more in You. Help me be okay with only You. Help me stand up for what I believe and do what is right. Help me be who You made me.