Obedience

It started out so good today. I read a little of the ragamuffin gospel. I felt God’s spirit moving in my heart. I had a nice conversation with my own mother. I got my girls up and started on their assignments. I went out to help a friend and was able to get in a workout.

When I got back, one daughter was working on assignments; the other was on the computer watching a tv show. (Which she then lied to me about) She knew she was supposed to finish her work first, but she hadn’t. After some attitude adjusting (why do we get mad at the person who points out our mistake?), she began working on her assignments as well. I began the day’s chores, cleaning the kitchen, starting some lunch, straightening around the house. When I called for lunch, no one came. I sat and ate by myself, cleaned up my plate and called again. This time they came downstairs. “Can I make chocolate-chip pancakes?” one asked. “No”, I responded, “I’ve already made you lunch.” “That’s disgusting” was the word of gracious thanks given for my cooking. I pointed out that that was the option or they could simply not eat. One ate and one did not. Soon after they returned upstairs, I realized we had not had any bible study for today together (we try to on Thursdays). I called them back down. One came. One did not. I yelled again. I sent the one to get the other. Soon I hear them both yelling at each other. A door slams and I am still waiting downstairs to have this time to focus on God today- but strangely I am no longer in the mood. I get so tired of trying to impose my will. I go in the front room to pray, when it dawns on me, how I simply want obedience and a good attitude. And then it dawns on me; I wonder if this is how God feels at times?

Hmmm. I get tired of imposing my will. I get frustrated. I simply want my children to have a good attitude and obey me. I want them to get this connection between love, respect and obedience. I want them to see that yes I love the ‘I’m sorry’s, I love the hugs; but sometimes I just want them to not whine, do what needs to be done, and do what I have asked.

I’m reminded that more times than I am even aware of, I have not come when God has called. I was so into whatever was important to me at the time, I didn’t even hear him. I’m reminded that there have been times I have been doing what I wanted to do instead of what He asked me to do. There have been times I have grumbled about God’s provision instead of properly thanking Him for what has been prepared for me. He has chosen that He wants me to obey out of love and respect, not because He can impose His will if I do not.

Lord, thank you that even in the pettiness of my life, you remind me of what really matters. Help me show a glimpse of Your love to my children while always letting them know that You love them even more than I ever can. Help us all to grow in our love for You and to desire to obey you because of our understanding of how amazing and great You are. I am sorry for the not listening and the whining. Thank You that You keep on loving me in spite of me.