Money, money, money, money

Timothy 6:10-12 (New International Version)
10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1Timothy keeps popping up and distracting me. How do I not love money? Do I know anyone that doesn’t love money? I think of the rich young ruler and his disappointment when Jesus asked him to sell all he had. I don’t want to sell all I have. I mean I know in my head that it all belongs to God. I know in my head that I am just a steward of what he has allowed me to use. In a sense I am borrowing all because it is not truly mine. BUT, I also tend to take ownership. I DO start to think of things as mine. I know in my head that things don’t make you happy. But I DO like certain things that are temporarily borrowed and mostly considered mine through God’s benevolence. I like my house, I like my car, I like my clothes and shoes. I like to have food in my pantry and freezer, I like to take my kids to activities, I like having heat in the winter and A/C in the summer, I like having water freely flowing through my pipes. I like furniture and kitchen appliances. I like lots of things that require money.

Even beyond that I like to have some set aside for days like today when I am looking for a toilet, because I have a hairline fracture in the tank. Being so industrious as to replace the deteriorated rubber washers and bolts myself I must have tightened the bolts too tightly. Who knew a petite lady could tighten the bolts so tightly as to make a fracture in the tank? And as an aside- looking for toilets- did you know there are toilets that cost upwards of $1000 dollars? I mean, you know what they are for. Who needs a thousand dollar toilet for excrement? I also have been comparing the cost to repair my oven and the cost to replace it. Trying to figure out which is the better strategy is like trying to predict the future. So I like having some money set aside to replace those broken things. I also look around and realize that the sofa is getting threadbare and will eventually need a cover or a replacement as well.

So how do I not love money?

In the 18 years that I have been married, we have never been, in our culture, considered rich (although I think almost every American I know is rich- we just have a skewed perception with so much wealth all around us- but that’s a whole new essay). We have had many tight months, especially when we first had kids and adapted to a one-income lifestyle. But I would occasionally remind myself that even if we literally lost everything, we would still be blessed because we had each other. I think that if we had to start over in another little apartment or duplex without savings, it would be hard and yucky, but we would be okay (not thrilled or necessarily happy- but okay). Now I would like to throw in for the sake of reality that that is easier said than done, and that I do not want to start over at zero, but it is my optimistic thought that we would work it out and keep moving forward. I like to think that I know there are more important things than things.

But, do I still love money?- yes. Is a continuous draw that I have to fight against?- yes. Do I think it will get easier at some point?- maybe, hopefully, not so sure. But I think the second part of Paul’s charge to Timothy helps us start to find a balance- “pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness”.

Lately I have been trying to pursue a job. I have been trying to pursue some security through finding a paycheck. Even though God is good to me and has always been good to me. Even though God is providing for me and has always provided for me. I forget. Like the ruler, I have become used to a certain way of living and I am not sure I can let go of that. I forget that it is not mine anyway. I forget that as Bono sang- “My God isn’t short of cash mister”. I still love money but I am taking the first step. Hi- I am Joy and I love money. I am a recovering money lover today. But one day at a time right?